The Highlander
The train of thought that is my mind is a pretty wild ride. For instance, this morning I heard a reference on the radio to living forever. My mind jumped to the song by Queen, "Who Want's to Live Forever?" Then I remembered that that song was in the movie, "The Highlander." Then I thought, "Hey. I'm kind of a Highlander. At least I go to Highland." Then that led me into thinking about my history at Highland. The train stayed in that station for a while. Many may not remember the old signs they had in passenger train restrooms that said, "Do not flush while train is standing in station." Yeah, well, sorry about that.
I remember how I wound up at Highland. When I first moved to Abilene about 20 years ago I went to Highland while I was in high school. I hung out with people like Tom Rose Jr., Wendy Wray, Alison Money, Jennifer Money, Stacy Catalina, Winkie James and others. I was in the huddle group led by the Zellers, Sutphens and Levretts. Over time I joined my parents over at Southern Hills and also went to church with a girlfriend quite a bit over at Baker Heights.
I returned to Highland one Easter when Jack Reese was leading a group of singers in a song called "Arise My Love." My good buddy Nino was leading worship at Highland at the time and told me to come and sing with the group. Somehow I ended up singing the lead on that song that year and every year since. I really think that kind of set into motion a course of events that I might otherwise have tried to avoid.
My family sang a lot when I was very young. One of my earliest memories was of us being at a family camp while my mom was alive and we sang for a talent show and had to do an encore. The high school I attended did not have a choir, however. But when I got to ACU I sang a little bit here and there. I was in the choir a year or two and I sang in a few traveling groups for the recruiting arm of ACU. I found that while I enjoyed singing I wasn't all that great at it. This was especially clear when I was chosen as a Sing Song host alongside Brandon Thomas and Stephen Bailey. One of these things is not like the other... Those guys were/are awesome. Still, it was an absolute blast.
Fast forward back to Highland. I found myself enjoying the chance to sing again. That song that I sang that Easter is now a 14 year regular. But what I never thought I would do is lead worship. Being friends with guys like Nino and Brandon and Stephen and Ryan Christian and John Dennis and Chris Dell and Ryan Porche and so many others gave me a pretty good picture of what a talented worship leader was and my snapshot just just didn't fit the frame. Still, I kind of fell into the role a few times at the last minute when someone wasn't able to make it. And while I still didn't feel all that comfortable with my abilities, I started to notice something. I truly felt more worshipful when I was leading worship. I noticed how certain songs brought emotions to the surface so much more when I was leading than when I was sitting. I noticed that I would catch myself smiling while I was singing. I thought about what it could be and decided that perhaps it was a couple of things. Certainly there is a responsibility one feels in that role which for me translates into preparation logistically but also spiritually. Sadly, I seldom did that when I was just "going to church." But also, I am on the verge of being a blubbering, sappy baby when I look out and see the faces of people who are praising or worshipping (the difference may be the subject of another blog one day) and shining through clouds of illness or brokenness or divorce or uncertainty or grief or whatever. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there are also faces out there which seem to be suggesting that I should not pass GO and punch my ticket straight to the fires of hell. And while my darker tendancy would be to dwell on them, I don't. It is much more rewarding to dwell on the people with whom I have a history and through whom I see Christ.
So. What does that mean now? I don't know- I'm justing writing in a stream of consciousness here. But I do find that I am more willing to agree to requests to lead worship than I used to be. Honestly, I still think that most of the people out in Squeaky Seat Land would be much better at it than I, but I am at least thankful that God is letting me grow and enjoy it more. Of course, it must be said that having such great people on the team to sing with and share with has a great deal to do with it, too. Sure it means a big time commitment and really long Sundays, but I think God is using this task to grow me more as a person than a worship leader. Of course, I have so much room to grow in that regard that I may have to find a church that has ten services a day every day and see if I can speed up the process. Until then, I remain a Highlander.
I remember how I wound up at Highland. When I first moved to Abilene about 20 years ago I went to Highland while I was in high school. I hung out with people like Tom Rose Jr., Wendy Wray, Alison Money, Jennifer Money, Stacy Catalina, Winkie James and others. I was in the huddle group led by the Zellers, Sutphens and Levretts. Over time I joined my parents over at Southern Hills and also went to church with a girlfriend quite a bit over at Baker Heights.
I returned to Highland one Easter when Jack Reese was leading a group of singers in a song called "Arise My Love." My good buddy Nino was leading worship at Highland at the time and told me to come and sing with the group. Somehow I ended up singing the lead on that song that year and every year since. I really think that kind of set into motion a course of events that I might otherwise have tried to avoid.
My family sang a lot when I was very young. One of my earliest memories was of us being at a family camp while my mom was alive and we sang for a talent show and had to do an encore. The high school I attended did not have a choir, however. But when I got to ACU I sang a little bit here and there. I was in the choir a year or two and I sang in a few traveling groups for the recruiting arm of ACU. I found that while I enjoyed singing I wasn't all that great at it. This was especially clear when I was chosen as a Sing Song host alongside Brandon Thomas and Stephen Bailey. One of these things is not like the other... Those guys were/are awesome. Still, it was an absolute blast.
Fast forward back to Highland. I found myself enjoying the chance to sing again. That song that I sang that Easter is now a 14 year regular. But what I never thought I would do is lead worship. Being friends with guys like Nino and Brandon and Stephen and Ryan Christian and John Dennis and Chris Dell and Ryan Porche and so many others gave me a pretty good picture of what a talented worship leader was and my snapshot just just didn't fit the frame. Still, I kind of fell into the role a few times at the last minute when someone wasn't able to make it. And while I still didn't feel all that comfortable with my abilities, I started to notice something. I truly felt more worshipful when I was leading worship. I noticed how certain songs brought emotions to the surface so much more when I was leading than when I was sitting. I noticed that I would catch myself smiling while I was singing. I thought about what it could be and decided that perhaps it was a couple of things. Certainly there is a responsibility one feels in that role which for me translates into preparation logistically but also spiritually. Sadly, I seldom did that when I was just "going to church." But also, I am on the verge of being a blubbering, sappy baby when I look out and see the faces of people who are praising or worshipping (the difference may be the subject of another blog one day) and shining through clouds of illness or brokenness or divorce or uncertainty or grief or whatever. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there are also faces out there which seem to be suggesting that I should not pass GO and punch my ticket straight to the fires of hell. And while my darker tendancy would be to dwell on them, I don't. It is much more rewarding to dwell on the people with whom I have a history and through whom I see Christ.
So. What does that mean now? I don't know- I'm justing writing in a stream of consciousness here. But I do find that I am more willing to agree to requests to lead worship than I used to be. Honestly, I still think that most of the people out in Squeaky Seat Land would be much better at it than I, but I am at least thankful that God is letting me grow and enjoy it more. Of course, it must be said that having such great people on the team to sing with and share with has a great deal to do with it, too. Sure it means a big time commitment and really long Sundays, but I think God is using this task to grow me more as a person than a worship leader. Of course, I have so much room to grow in that regard that I may have to find a church that has ten services a day every day and see if I can speed up the process. Until then, I remain a Highlander.
3 Comments:
You have a tremendous gift and talent and you are very kind in referencing your song leading companions, however, I truly believe your talent supercedes anyone in the brotherhood. This will probably come as a shock considering the source, but it's 16 years overdue and I thought you should know.
Second, I hope the fire that has been ignited in you of late, that has led to your personal revelation through leading worship, will continue to grow and increase your desire to be involved in this very important capacity.
You have nothing to apologize for, Val. You remain a true talent in a sea of 'wannabes' in this regard. The brotherhood is in dire need of your experience, richness and desire and I for one would like to see you assume this role more frequently to the benefit of those at Highland.
-TMS
TMS, I couldn't agree more.
I have watched you grow mightily over the past few years. That's all the more amazing considering the remarkable level of maturity from which you began. Leading worship becomes you. No, I'm not saying that leading worship is becoming to you. Leading worship becomes you. We can see the spiritual evidences of who you are. And it lifts us.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home