Parental Daze
I am sure there are many experiences in parenting that are common across all spectrums of culture and even time but I was particularly struck by one this weekend. If you have ever had small children, you have had to endure countless occasions where an older acquaintance has told you to enjoy your current stage in life while it lasts because it will be over so quickly. Obviously there are variations on the delivery but that is the basic theme. To be honest, as a parent on the receiving end of this sentiment it begins to get a little old. After roughly a bazillion times of hearing this it starts to sound a bit repetitive.
Or does it?
This weekend I got to visit briefly with a friend who looked at our kids and said, “Enjoy this time. Eventually it will be hard to get them to slow down long enough to hang out with you…” At first I just chalked the comment up as number one bazillion and one. But then something occurred to me. Though we were sitting there together and he was talking to me, he was far away in another time reliving special moments. The look in his eyes told me that was not unique. Pretty much every time someone had relayed the same message they had had the same look. I had just not paid attention. But now as his voice and expression made it clear to me that the sight of my precious family had stirred a special memory in him I began to understand. Sure, the basic message of fleeting time is still there, but the memories flooding the hearts of people who have watched their families grow up and out are especially poignant.
I wonder why number one bazillion and one struck me differently than all the rest? I would love to pridefully say that it has something to do with the fact that he realized our little family is so beautiful that it has become the recruiting poster for fond family memories for other who want especially idealistic memories. That’s what I would like to say. But that’s just so I wouldn’t have to admit that the comments hit home because I see my kids growing so fast, and that time really is fleeting, and that I too have times when my eyes glaze over and my mind is flooded in a mist of memories.
Nope, I’ll stick with the prideful recruiting poster thing.
Or does it?
This weekend I got to visit briefly with a friend who looked at our kids and said, “Enjoy this time. Eventually it will be hard to get them to slow down long enough to hang out with you…” At first I just chalked the comment up as number one bazillion and one. But then something occurred to me. Though we were sitting there together and he was talking to me, he was far away in another time reliving special moments. The look in his eyes told me that was not unique. Pretty much every time someone had relayed the same message they had had the same look. I had just not paid attention. But now as his voice and expression made it clear to me that the sight of my precious family had stirred a special memory in him I began to understand. Sure, the basic message of fleeting time is still there, but the memories flooding the hearts of people who have watched their families grow up and out are especially poignant.
I wonder why number one bazillion and one struck me differently than all the rest? I would love to pridefully say that it has something to do with the fact that he realized our little family is so beautiful that it has become the recruiting poster for fond family memories for other who want especially idealistic memories. That’s what I would like to say. But that’s just so I wouldn’t have to admit that the comments hit home because I see my kids growing so fast, and that time really is fleeting, and that I too have times when my eyes glaze over and my mind is flooded in a mist of memories.
Nope, I’ll stick with the prideful recruiting poster thing.
4 Comments:
The frustrating thing to me about that comment is that, while certainly true, none of the people saying it figured out how to do it. I wish just once someone would say, "Here's how to slow time down and enjoy it..." Really what they are saying is, "It goes quickly and all you have to look forward to is the deep sadness of missing it." Well, thanks a lot.
No, I think it's not DEEP sadness, just nostalgia. I'm enjoying my empty nest. But I don't think I had enough moments of appreciation when we were in the thick of it. People reminding me of the way time flies were no different than the jolt of reality when someone my age dies and I realize how fleeting every part of life is--every life is but a vapor.
My point is I've never talked to anyone who appreciated it enough. How can you possibly appreciate it enough?
You can appreciate it enough when sufficient time has passed that you forget about the diaper-filling, the screaming jags at 3am, the projectile vomiting during gastroenteritis season, the unceasing demand for your time when you have to get 15 minutes of alone time, etc. Basically, once your mental home movie of your time with your kids is edited for content and has become a highlight reel of the real loving parts of their life with you, then you look back with nostalgia. This requires time, and during that time they grow up. By the time the mental DVD of your kids' life with you is ready to review, they're gone.
It is truly bizarre how fast time flies. I remember graduating from ACU well, back in 1990. That's almost 17 years ago, and in that same period of time all of our kids will have graduated from college and be having lives of their own. It sure doesn't seem like it's been that long, but time is rather implacable.
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